Can’t get to sleep ‘cos my landlords have the noisiest sex

I’m feeling very tired this morning. Why? Because my landlords were humping above my head until the wee

My house, where the walls and floors are as thick as tissue paper

 hours of the morning. Literally.

One of the reasons why I love London is because all the buildings are old and beautiful. This includes the house I live in, which was built over 100 years ago. But it’s a Victorian terrace house and every time someone so much as tippy toes around upstairs, the house creaks and moans like you wouldn’t believe.

Unfortunately for us, our landlord’s bedroom is above our room. And last night the floor wasn’t the only thing that was moaning. They were. At least four times a week, as I am about to drift off into a peaceful slumber, I am violently awoken by a sudden pounding and squeeking noise coming from directly above my head. Sometimes I’m already sleeping when I am woken by this sound. Sometimes it’s FOUR IN THE BLOODY MORNING.

Sorry, I am sleep deprived, and therefore cranky. It would be fine if it was simply a case of ‘wham, bam, thank you man,’ but unfortunately for me, I think my landlord takes Viagra. They’re at it for HOURS. Maybe I should be happy that a couple in their 50s have such an active sex life. And maybe I would if they didn’t keep me awake while they went at it like Duracell bunnies.

My landlord told my boyfriend last week that he needs a double hip replacement. From all that thrusting, I’m not surprised. I’m just hoping that it puts him out of action for awhile so I can get a good night’s sleep!

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